Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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