Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
