Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
