so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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