Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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