Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
