You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
