it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
