idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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