so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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