Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I got inside last night via doggy door
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
