There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
