yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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