Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
