Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
