well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
