god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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