I wish I could teleport
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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