First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He did a backflip because drugs
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
