the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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