she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
