White coat. Heels.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
