thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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