barbara walters just said penis...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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