She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
