Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
