Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
