I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
