There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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