so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
