i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
