does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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