I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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