didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
