...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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