Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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