I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
