So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
