is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
