i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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