Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
