I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
