Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
