i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
