if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hello my rib-scented angel!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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