a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
