i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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