Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
