chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
