Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
