Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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