So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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