rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Its about making memories worth repressing
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
