I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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