Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Houston, we have a squirter
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
