I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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