I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
